Well, the last time I wrote here was almost a year ago. Lots of changes in my life over the past year. I went light, moving away from goth, and tried to make it work. It did to some degree, but to be honest, it was just too emotionally difficult to keep up the upbeat, always sunshine outlook.
I have decided to simplify my online life. I’m paring down email accounts, websites that I’ve signed up for in the past, and blogs that just either weren’t working for me, or that I no longer visited. Reluctantly, I’m dumping my Yahoo accounts. I’ve had those for a really long time, so it’s kind of hard to part with. But with all the hacks, and the dismantling of the service, it seems silly to keep them. I hate to give up Flickr, but honestly, I rarely use it.
I’m still a witch. I’ve gotten to the point that I’m just going to stop trying to define exactly what kind of witch I am. I was a Wiccan for a long time, and that certainly stays with me. I also practiced some Left Hand paths, and was enamored with aspects of some of them. Basically, I’ve taken aspects of all the paths I’ve encountered, and adapted bits & pieces of them to work for me.
More about living in the light. I can talk and write a good game. I can convince myself that keep a positive attitude all the time, looking on the bright side all the time, helps me out. Unfortunately, the falls from that lofty perch create devastating lows. And the thing is, there are always falls.
When looking at life thought a darker lens, expectations are tempered. The emotional roller coaster ride is more akin the a drive through the park. Some of the tumbles I’ve had this year from that bright light hill have been emotional train wrecks. I can’t continue that course.
I realize the gothic outlook turns some people off. Some people feel it’s just fashion. Please know that at my age it’s not fashion, it’s a life outlook. I’m already surrounded by the trappings of goth. Our entire home is goth, my music is 60% goth, my literature is all ghosts, hauntings, witchcraft, and vampires. Most of the art on my computer is goth in nature. It’s there, I was just trying to move past it. There is simply no moving past it.
I’m a pale witch, not particularly enamored with the outdoors, at least at the height of the day with the sun. I do cycle, but try to do that in early in the day. To quote Woody Allen, I don’t tan, I stroke. I appreciate nature, and know that I need to be out in it more. It’s something I’m working on.
I’m a fan of the darker gods and goddesses. Something about their independence, their darker nature calls to me. Lucifer, Lilith, Thoth, Set, and so forth. I think there are those in the Pagan community who worry about getting close to the darker deities. Some of that may come from the fact that so many who have come to Paganism have come from Christian paths, and we know how much that religion likes to have a fall guy to keep everyone in order.
Are the gods and goddesses real. Probably not. I go back and forth on this, but ultimately, we’ve explored the cosmos, and there is no heaven up there, no celestial gods and goddesses have been encountered. I think the deities are inside of us. They reside in our subconscious. But they have power. Our minds have a great amount of power.
I practiced Wicca for a long time. I loved being Wiccan. But here’s the thing. Wicca gave me no power. In the end, it seemed a lot like Christianity. Always trying to please our deities, following rules, listening to others tell us we were “not doing things right,” or were “not a real Wiccan.” That wasn’t empowering, that was emasculating. The left hand path, is one that eschews convention, gives the finger to normal. Lets goths be goths.
So there you have it. Or perhaps you don’t understand at all. Let’s explore together here, shall we? Let’s discuss deity, underworlds, sexuality, chaos, and other delightfully dark subjects. Oh, and I will explain that psi vampire thing in future posts…
My darkest blessings unto you!